Supporting students after a tragic event

9 hours ago
5 min read

Assembled by the BC School Counsellors’ Association Executive Committee

Tips for BC educators
Age-appropriate responses
Resource guide

Tips for BC educators

Children may worry that they themselves will be targeted because of who they are, how they look, or where their family comes from; reassure them that everyone deserves safety and that our communities work hard to protect all people.

Start by listening

Ask students what they already know; children often hold fragmented or inaccurate information.
Observe tone, play, and behaviour for signs of worry or confusion.
Use open‑ended questions: “Tell me what you know.” “How are you feeling?” “What else are you wondering?”

Provide simple, factual, age‑appropriate information

Offer brief, accurate facts without unnecessary detail.
Correct misinformation gently.
Older students may want to explore broader implications; provide information thoughtfully and appropriately.
It’s okay not to know—modelling honest uncertainty builds trust.

Model calm, steady regulation

Students mirror adults’ emotional tones; a calm presence supports safety.
Reinforce that schools and communities work hard to keep people safe.

Acknowledge and normalize feelings

Validate all emotional reactions: fear, frustration, worry, sadness.
Recognize that distress during conversations is normal and helps children process difficult events.

Limit media exposure (especially social media)

Avoid news clips, images, or articles in the classroom.
Repetitive, graphic, and short-form media exposure increases anxiety.

Maintain normal routines

Predictable structure supports stability and regulation.
Acknowledge the event briefly, then return to everyday learning activities.

Promote compassion and inclusive community

Encourage kindness, gentleness, and awareness of how others might be affected.
Clarify that no racial, ethnic, religious, or cultural group is responsible for violent events; counter misinformation that can lead to prejudice.

Support student agency

Many students want to help once they feel safe; support simple, meaningful prosocial actions. Taking action and making meaning is an important part of the grieving process.
Grief looks different for different people: some experience grief through emotions, cope by expressing feelings, and need connection, empathy, and space to move through waves. Others experience grief more through thoughts, actions, and problem‑solving than through outward emotion. They are coping by doing: organizing, advocating, fixing, creating memorials, supporting others, and taking action.
Empower students by supporting their seeking of purpose, structure, and tasks to feel grounded while coping and grieving.

Watch for signs of distress

Note prolonged changes in behaviour, mood, or functioning (e.g., withdrawal, irritability, regression) but understand that normal grief is a bit different for every human.
Seek additional support if distress persists or interferes with school functioning beyond what may be considered normal, even in your colleagues.

Access school and community supports

school counsellors
child and youth workers, Aboriginal support workers, school-based teams, or SWIS (settlement workers in schools)
community mental health supports: see resource guide.

Keep the door open

Some students may not want to talk initially; keep communication open without pressure.
Ensure they know they can revisit conversations when ready.

Offer light in the dark

Traumatic events can reveal the worst in humanity, but they also highlight the compassion and strength of people and communities who step forward to help.
Children may worry that they themselves will be targeted because of who they are, how they look, or where their family comes from; reassure them that everyone deserves safety and that our communities work hard to protect all people.
Violent actions are the choices of individuals. By countering fear‑driven blame with empathy and shared humanity, we help support, rather than target, those who may feel afraid or singled out.
Kindness and inclusion actually restore a sense of control and safety.

Key takeaways

Regression, fear, big emotions, and repetitive storytelling are all common.
Predictable routines = emotional safety.
Connection reduces distress: children need adults to listen more than they need perfect answers or lessons.
Every age group needs reassurance that the event is over and they are safe now.

This resource has been collected, written, and reviewed by the BC School Counsellors’ Association Executive Committee. The AI tool CoPilot has been used to summarize and shorten this information.

Age-appropriate responses

Normal responses to traumatic events by age

Preschool and early school‑age children

Young children may show regression (changes in sleep, toileting, speech), increased clinginess, or fear of separating from caregivers, which is a normal response to feeling unsafe.
They may also experience nightmares or engage in traumatic play, repeatedly reenacting the event as a way to process overwhelming emotions.

School‑age children

It is normal for school‑age children to worry persistently about safety, their own and others’, and to feel guilt or shame about what they did or didn’t do during the event.
They may retell the event repeatedly or express strong sadness or fear as they try to make sense of what happened.
Adolescents may experience intense emotions, like fear, anger, and sadness, that can show up as withdrawal, irritability, or acting‑out behaviour, which is a common way for them to express distress.
They may struggle with relationships, think about “what could have been done,” or even voice thoughts of revenge as they grapple with the loss.

High schoolers (older adolescents)

High school students may experience intense emotional swings, including anger, fear, sadness, irritability, or withdrawal, which are normal ways of coping with overwhelming events.
They may struggle with relationships, question what they or others “should have done,” or even express revenge‑based thoughts as they wrestle with feelings of helplessness and loss of control.

Neurodiverse children and youth

Neurodiverse students (including those with autism, ADHD, intellectual disabilities, or sensory processing differences) may show amplified versions of their typical stress responses, such as increased rigidity, shutdowns, meltdowns, sensory overwhelm, or changes in communication patterns. These are normal reactions to disrupted safety.
Some may also rely more heavily on predictable routines, familiar coping tools, and trusted adults, and may struggle to verbalize feelings, instead expressing distress through behaviour, withdrawal, or repetitive actions.

This resource has been collected, written, and reviewed by the BC School Counsellors’ Association Executive Committee. The AI tool CoPilot has been used to summarize and shorten this information.